\n\u201ccancer\u201d and \u201cI have\u201d take on a life all their own.
\nThis tale won\u2019t take you to that elsewhere place
\nwhere time creates a silky pocket
\nand shoe-horns you inside its pouch
\nor how you\u2019ll press fingertips to the wall
\nof that translucent membrane
\nwhich divides the just-you<\/em> from the just-world.<\/em>
\nPerhaps if I mouth the words<\/p>\n
\u201cwe are not alone\u201d After a week of radiation, I\u2019m a goddess. ii.<\/strong><\/p>\n Make room for the new, <\/em>my mother always said, iii. She\u2019d be proud I haven\u2019t flinched iv. But I\u2019m wondering what can\u2019t be reused with a little more care? v. there\u2019s a tenderness underneath my ribs; <\/p>\n Years ago you watched every Superman show, Santa Claus eats little girls <\/em>and It\u2019s late now in your small hospital room. Tonight it\u2019s you, Nick, with the \u201cS\u201d on your chest, the day a nail went through my foot between sips of water, you see angels\u2014 Time breaks itself in two.\u00a0 Love leaves in us a deep, sweet scar.
\nto the trembling moon jellies glowing in the dark,
\nfloating to the surface of an eternal sea garden,
\ntheir luminescent hearts would sing out to me
\nthere is language beyond language\u2014<\/em>
\nwould the sting shock you?
\nwould you believe me then?
\nif I said I am always afraid now
\nof beginning this kind of story.<\/p>\nAbsence in Five Parts<\/h2>\n
i.<\/strong><\/h4>\n
\nI\u2019m cleaning closets and cabinets, decluttering my life,
\nkicking the habit of holding onto useless things.
\nI am creating a universe of perfect order.
\nSo into the trash I toss
\n\u201cOwl Drink to That\u201d and \u201cSip Me Baby One More Time,\u201d
\nwine glasses bought by a younger self.<\/p>\n
\nand then
\nthrow out what doesn\u2019t belong.<\/em>
\nNow I\u2019m cramming mismatched socks and crusty flowers
\ninto the mouths of plastic sacks
\nlike baby birds demanding to be fed.<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nwhile organizing my life into piles of yes and no.
\nSo picture books from the Uffizi, a poster of the first Star Wars<\/em> movie,
\nan \u201cI Heart You\u201d stuffed bear I once held, gently,
\nagainst my mutilated breast\u2014each and all
\nget pitched into the box marked Savers Thrift.<\/em>
\nI take a cleansing breath.
\nI\u2019ve done good work tonight.<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nLike the cashmere sweater with tiny moth holes,
\nthe one I mended with invisible thread,
\nthe one she thought I\u2019d never own.
\nThen suddenly, and without warning,<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nPulling up my shirt, I look at blotches on my skin and\u2014
\nthough I know I\u2019m lucky to be alive\u2014right now it seems
\nmy soul is pushing through my chest, and
\nit will leave behind nothing
\nbut these broken blood rosettes.<\/p>\nIn My Brother\u2019s Recovery Room<\/h2>\n
\ninstructing me on the particulars:
\nhow the Man of Steel can press coal into diamonds;
\nthat only green Kryptonite will bring him to his knees.
\nBut when you told me your hero can split himself in half,
\noccupy two places at once, I became the little sister of unbelief.
\nYou fooled me so many times, my brother, with<\/p>\n
\nthe Devil lives in the dark space underneath the bed\u2014
\n<\/em>I never knew which of them was true.<\/p>\n
\nYou\u2019re floating between this world and the next.
\nThe doctors broke you open,
\ncracking your rib cage, pulling away the flesh,
\nexposing heart and lungs.<\/p>\n
\na careening line of stitches, cat gut and dried blood;
\nblack circles under each eye,
\nlike the dark face of the moon, forbidden places
\nno one wants to go.\u00a0 And suddenly I\u2019m remembering<\/p>\n
\nand you carried me three blocks home.
\nEven superheroes get afraid, <\/em>you whispered
\nas I sobbed into your neck. Now<\/p>\n
\nstreaks of sapphire blue, vermillion, gold,
\nand one who gives a message
\nwithout words in the landscape of pure white.
\nNow I know all of it is true.<\/p>\n
\nYou tell me write this poem.
\n<\/em>I will, Nick, I will
\njust this once and ever after, every time always for you.<\/p>\n
\n
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